I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to anybody who had anything to do with this film. I don’t mean to bash it a whole bunch, but for some reason I felt compelled to complain and warn others of the impending doom that is this film. If this movie ranks over a 60% on rotten tomatoes, I’ll eat my hat.

I felt a tad bit guilty for ripping into it, so I went back to give it another shot. Maybe there was something I missed. Maybe I was just tired. Stranger things have happened before, but nope, it was just as awful the second time around as the first. But this time… I wrote crap down. Below is an interaction between four characters wandering through a desert trying to survive. (I know, how biblical) These four start to discuss the god that the leader (Sky Marshall) feels around them. Note: Some of the names have been changed to make it more hilarious.

Sky Marshall: (Bohemaqoital?) He is here, he is everywhere. Let us rest, and wait for his coming.
Vapid Whore: Well they say god has many names, but I’ve never heard that one before.
Bull: Well honey, he’s the Sky Marshall, he knows a lot more than we do.
Sweet Ass Malone: He’s talking about a bug.
Bull: He thinks god is a bug?
SAM: He’s got religion, their religion.
Vapid Whore: Bug religion?
Bull: That’s crazy.
Vapid Whore: That’s blasphemy!
Bull: What do we do now?
Vapid Whore: Maybe we should kill him!
SAM: Why? Because he’s crazy? Or he believes in god like you? Walks away
Vapid Whore: Its the WRONG GOD!

Note, she has gone from willing to accept the man because he has found religion to demanding he be killed because he has chosen the wrong god. I don’t think that has ever happened in the history of history… oh wait, it happens ALL THE TIME, I’m sure glad I learned my lesson. Now lets never hate anybody ever again.

Above is the final shot of the sequence that has strategic body parts covered up by little yellow boxes. I don’t see why the people had to be naked at all. Please don’t be fooled, in the actual film, the white lines and sarcasm was not included. I’m not entirely sure why this bothered me. As I said before, in the past I would have welcomed any shot that included an areola, but now I’m appaled by it. I think the thing that bothers me so much is the complete recklessness of its use. No statement is being made here other than, “PLEASE watch this movie, see! It has boobs!” I demand that there be some sort of artistic purpose, so that I don’t feel so dirty while continuing to watch the film.

In conclusion. Go watch something else… ANYTHING else! I gulp while saying this but you could even try ST2 Hero of the Federation. It was just as awful and had far less scope and more gratuitous nudity, but at least I didn’t blog and bitch about that one.